Freihe(it) - Connie Louise Rigby

When (it) first came to me I was tentative

and I felt I would be shouted at for having pure but wreckless fun

I was nervous at every man walking past, as if they would take it away

for I hadn't learnt enough for it to suit me yet, there were growing pains

I’d like to have used it wisely and felt it fully


Then it became a burden

Peers had different gages of it, and I wasn’t sure mine was enough

I envied those who appeared to be given more

how they would bare their enamel, glimmering in interpersonal euphoria

I wonder what interpersonal success allowed for them to have been given more than me


Just before it came to me in a wave

I sat, heart racing to the speed of intense joy

But it was only my heart racing i could feel,

As if a kangaroo was trapped for months on end inside a steel box

jumping, only to hit it’s head and jump again


Then the wave came

I sank underneath it and loaned parts of it to other people

At times giving too much of it away, leaving insufficient supply for myself

But at every integer I gained some back

in retrospect, I am thankful I wasn't yearning at this time


Now we all have it in abundance

Yet it has been taken away by a situation, and in turn people: everyone

I can no longer envy how others use it on summer days and winter evenings

For I look outside and do not see glimmering enamel, or anything at all

there is so little yet so much of it, that it can not fulfil any of us

 

Connie Louise Rigby was born in Greater Manchester but is currently a Berlin based. She is 20 years old and a student of Modern Foreign Languages and Cultures.


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