Freihe(it) - Connie Louise Rigby

When (it) first came to me I was tentative

and I felt I would be shouted at for having pure but wreckless fun

I was nervous at every man walking past, as if they would take it away

for I hadn't learnt enough for it to suit me yet, there were growing pains

I’d like to have used it wisely and felt it fully

Then it became a burden

Peers had different gages of it, and I wasn’t sure mine was enough

I envied those who appeared to be given more

how they would bare their enamel, glimmering in interpersonal euphoria

I wonder what interpersonal success allowed for them to have been given more than me

Just before it came to me in a wave

I sat, heart racing to the speed of intense joy

But it was only my heart racing i could feel,

As if a kangaroo was trapped for months on end inside a steel box

jumping, only to hit it’s head and jump again

Then the wave came

I sank underneath it and loaned parts of it to other people

At times giving too much of it away, leaving insufficient supply for myself

But at every integer I gained some back

in retrospect, I am thankful I wasn't yearning at this time

Now we all have it in abundance

Yet it has been taken away by a situation, and in turn people: everyone

I can no longer envy how others use it on summer days and winter evenings

For I look outside and do not see glimmering enamel, or anything at all

there is so little yet so much of it, that it can not fulfil any of us

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Connie Louise Rigby was born in Greater Manchester but is currently a Berlin based. She is 20 years old and a student of Modern Foreign Languages and Cultures.